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Cinco De Mayo: Bloodshed to Beers

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    Even if you misconstrue that Cinco De Mayo celebrates Mexican independence like most people, or if you know the real story, or you really don't care, and just rather drink your beer, Cinco De Mayo has become an American holiday whether you like it or not. In short, it was put in place to celebrate the Mexican victory at the Battle of Puebla, and the bloody defeat of their French adversaries. Every time this holiday comes around, there is always some hoopla about why Americans are celebrating what is seemingly a Mexican holiday, even with more pomp and gusto.

    To be truthful, Americans just like to have an excuse to cut loose and drink their faces off. They want a place and time with no judgement, to get up on that stage and sing "Don't Stop Believin" in front of a bar full of fellow compatriots, all in the honor of the Mexican victory, of course. There are plenty of opportunities for us to get our drink on. How about we pull out all the stops, and just make every holiday, a day of slushy drunkenness. I decree that we start with Arbor Day. I could see something like "Pints for the Pines, half off domestics on Arbor Day." That certainly has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

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    "Pints for the Pines".. that's awesome. I can see it now. Watch out, it just might catch on.
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    Colbert agrees with you.